Jedi Reader

Lileks is not happy about the storyline of the Jedi Reader, a story book for young children set in the Star Wars universe — not to mention the fact that such a thing exists. Of course, it features Jar Jar getting into trouble:

Jar Jar closes his eyes, because he does not want to see Sebulba punch him.

“Stop!” someone says.

It is Anakin Skywalker!

“Do not hurt Jar Jar,” says Anakin. “Jar Jar is a friend of the Hutts.”

The Hutts are bigger and meaner than Sebulba.

Now Sebulba is afraid.

WTF? What is this? It’s bad enough that Lucas invented Jar Jar in the first place; it’s bad enough that they made childrens’ books with him, but Anakin is DARTH FRICKIN’ VADER. To have him show up and dispatch the bully by suggesting that Jar Jar has mob connections is so totally farged I can’t even begin to untangle the moral idiocy of the story. Boil it down: young Damien from “The Omen” saves Rastus McWebfoot from a beating by claiming that the Corleones have his back.

He's not satisfied by what appears to be the moral of the story:

“Be less afraid,” Anakin says to Jar Jar. “Bullies pick on those who are afraid.”

Yes, we know. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, suffering leads to agony, agony leads to Episode Three....

I'm glad I grew up when I did.

Posted by richard at January 22, 2004 07:52 PM